It’s human nature that most of us want to please others and be liked – yet this fundamental need affects our ability to set boundaries with others and often leads us to say “yes”, when we really should be saying “no”.
A lot of people view saying “no” as selfish or rude, but what it actually means is that you know your value and respect your limits. You may have had a big week or have a lot of commitments scheduled already, however we still feel immense pressure to do things we do not want to do, if it means we ‘look bad’ in saying “no”. It can cause anxiety for people as we don’t want to let people down, not meeting their expectations or feel uncomfortable in a social interaction.
It’s hard to get into the mindset that saying “no” is ok, but it’s important to, otherwise without healthy boundaries, we can easily become stressed and overwhelmed. We are inundated with demands of our time and energy all day, every day – from our employer, from our family, and perhaps most detrimentally from ourselves. We then take on social demands and in today’s society, it’s expected that we then manage and balance it all, proving to the world our self-worth. What a lot of people don’t realise though, is that committing to something you really would rather not do, can lead to feelings of regret, resentment and exhaustion. Then when you burnout, you’re not able to support yourself let alone be there for others, which can lead to missing out on moments that truly count.
In the long term, implementing effective boundaries will help your relationships, because it leads to increased self-respect and helps avoid the bitterness that comes with over-committing. Looking deeply at our values and understanding our priorities can guide us in learning how to say “no,” which then opens up opportunities to say “yes” to the things that really matter to us. It doesn’t take away the fact that it will feel unnatural initially to say “no”, but communicating to others that they’ve been heard in a situation can go a long way in a respectful relationship from both parties. It’s also not necessary to offer too much information in explaining your reasoning (in fact, sometimes it can invite challenges to your “no”) – you don’t need to justify your decisions to others.
You may be surprised that after a while, people may learn to respect your “yes” rather than take it for granted. You may also find that you don’t feel as stretched and your connection to others may end up healthier because of it.
Recent Comments